What should I do about my mental illness?

Hello, I am bipolar (at least that is what I have been diagnosed with). I spend too much money that really I don't have. For instance my gma gave me her credit card and I maxed one all the way up to 10k and then she gave me 5k to invest and it's almost all gone and I still have bills to pay and IDK what I'm going to do. The past 6 months have been hard because I was taking care of gma, her health has diminished, she can't walk.. and she could really die.. any day :( As far as treatment, I am on Celexa 40mg that I've been taking a month but before upping the dose I took 20 mg for months and months (and it didn't really help) I'm also taking Klonopin but that doesn't seem to be helping either it doesnt even make me sleepy. I keep having HORRIBLE thoughts of suicide that are just uncontrollable. Like shooting myself in the head with the shotgun we have, stab myself in the heart, go to dads room and take his 270 pill bottle of vicodin, park on the tracks when the train is coming. Then it gets even more messed up, like setting up my own murder. I keep thinking I just want to call the police on myself and say there's a "domestic disturbance" and then pretend I'm going to shoot them so they shoot me. I don't know why I feel like this. Like.. I know people have it worse.. and I know it would HURT the people that love me to know I took my life. I feel so alone all the time and empty.. but I still know people love me like my dad, grandma, and boyfriend. I'm scared to talk to my family about it because I don't want to cause them grief. Each week I've been going to a managing emotions group therapy and a talk therapy. I'm supposed to start up another group tomorrow but IDK with gas being so expensive if I can. I only have $300 left out of the 5k I got like 2 months ago. I used to be so good with money but now I think I'm using it as a coping mechanism.. but now its hit the point I have NOTHING more to spend and I'm just freaking out thinking I'm a COMPLETE idiot. Also, I know we are all going to die and it kills me. I feel like I'm okay with dying myself but I don't want to live without the people that I love. I don't want to deal with losing them. People say look at all the good things you are going to experience in your life but I don't see anything. I'm pretty sure I cant even have kids or anything. I'm 22 and I feel like I'm SO old. I really feel like I need psych help immediately but my bf told me he wouldnt take care of my pets or even stay at the house while I'd be gone at the mental hospital.. He doesn't want me to be as bad as I am and he thinks I can just "will" it away. I need help and I need to know that someone out there has felt this way and got through it and how you got through it. I don't want to kill myself but the urges are there all the time.